Agent Saboteur

6 Feb

I was back on track last week. I did struggle with wanting sugar and cravings, but I had my eye on the prize; new habits, real food to nourish my life and a better sense of connection with simplicity.

I wasn’t as hungry
I had more energy
I did CrossFit twice, rode 40

I knew I was going to have some pizza for Superbowl Sunday. I have a non CLEAN / Paleo meal each weekend normally.

Sunday was to be housework/chili cookoff/superbowl.  I had some carrot/parsnip soup for breakfast.  I couldn’t fathom the idea of another smoothie.  Then we had pizza.  Before the cookout.  I didn’t eat much chili.  Just tastings.  But I did eat some cookies.  We went home. IronDude made a spinach salad with chicken and I wasn’t even hungry.  Our niece came over later and wanted ice cream.  I said “I’ll buy” and off she went.  Back with a pint of caramel and I ate every bite of it.  Like a crack addict.

So what did I learn from this?

Sugar IS a lot like alcohol.  I’m not an alcoholic, but I think it produces the same, gotta-have-it, give-it-to-me responses.  Which makes sense because alcohol is also carbohydrate, with a numbing agent.  Sugar does that to me.  It numbs me out.  All my serotonin floods and I am happy, satisfied girl.  I couldn’t have just pizza, had to have the cookies, had to have the ice cream too.

I’m not happy with myself, but I know the kindest thing to do is to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start again.  So I am living off the land today, eating lightly and regrouping.  I signed up for 3 CrossFit sessions starting tomorrow which always make me feel strong.  Yesterday was the past and it will not take up my present.  Learn and move on.

Sugar for me is emotional.  Yes, that food tasted good, but is it worth it?  No, not in those quantities.  A donut once a week, sure.  A piece of pizza, fine.  But no.  Not all day.  And this is how we do it.  One ugly step turns into two lovely ones.


Debbie Forbes, LMT

CrossFitter, Massage Therapist, Rebooter

For more information or to schedule online:


3 Responses to “Agent Saboteur”

  1. Suzanne February 7, 2012 at 2:21 pm #

    Well done! Alcohol is sugar; or is metabolized in the body as simple sugar; and sugar is every bit as addicting, although somewhat easier to maintain social graces while using, as alcohol. Kudos for 1 step then 2….

  2. behealthyhappy February 9, 2012 at 4:07 am #

    I’m still with you…just don’t get any ‘down’ time in my day that I am able to contribute much, but I do enjoy catching your posts via email! Love all the information/recipe sharing…it is so helpful in many ways! I share the same struggles and have for a vast majority of my life…now I get to add the hormone storms of aging…ugh! But I have always felt better eating well ‘clean’ and being mindful, planning and preparing my food for the day. When it is planned and I am strong, it goes well. When it is planned and I am hormonally weak…it doesn’t. There are kudos in the conviction to begin again renewed! Wanting to continue with being well for my body, mind and spirit is key. The awareness is all around me, so that provides enough motivation.

    Be well and good to yourselves!

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